Harry Potter and the Quest for the holy Wand 7 and 8

[imma]

SCENE 7

Setting: a verra nice English afternoon, the sun is shining and the company is in a chipper mood.



[clop clop clop – the company of knights, lead by King Harry ‘ride’ over a small hill]
[boom boom – thunder is heard from above]
[angels sing and the head of Albus Dumbledore appears in the middle of a cloud]
ALBUS: Harry! Harry, King of the Wizards! [King Harry and his knights fall to their knees] Oh, don't grovel!
[singing stops]
One thing I can't stand, it's people groveling.
HARRY: [King Harry and the Knights stand up again] Sorry.
[boom]
ALBUS: And don't apologize. Every time I try to talk to someone it's 'sorry this' and 'forgive me that' and 'I'm not worthy'.
[boom – King Harry and his knights look down]
What are you doing now?!
HARRY: I'm averting my eyes, O Lord.
ALBUS: Well, don't. It's like those miserable Psalms-- they're so depressing. Now, knock it off!
HARRY: [They all look at Albus] Yes, Lord.
ALBUS: Right! Harry, King of the Wizards, your Knights of the Sorting Hat shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times.
HARRY: Good idea, O Lord!
ALBUS: 'Course it's a good idea! Behold!
[angels sing as Albus show King Harry and the knights a shimmering image of a magnificent magic and holy wand]
Harry, this is the Holy Wand. Look well, Harry, for it is your sacred task to seek this wand. That is your purpose, Harry: the quest for the Holy Wand.
[boom]
[singing stops]
PERCY: A blessing! A blessing from the Lord!
OLIVER: Albus be praised!

Scene 8

[King Harry music]
[clop clop clop]
HARRY: Halt!
[horn – a servant blows a horn to get attention from the Castle the company has reached]
Hallo!
[pause – no response]
Hallo!
BEAUXBATTON GUARD: Allo! Who is eet?
HARRY: It is King Harry, and these are my Knights of the Sorting Hat. Who's castle is this?
BEAUXBATTON GUARD: This is the castle of my mistress, Madame Maxine.
HARRY: Go and tell your mistress that we have been charged by Albus with a sacred quest. If she will give us food and shelter for the night, she can join us in our quest for the Holy Wand.
BEAUXBATTON GUARD: Well, I'll ask her, but I don't think she'll be very keen. Uh, she's already got one, you see.
HARRY: What?
OLIVER: He says they've already got one!
HARRY: Are you sure she's got one?
BEAUXBATTON GUARD: Oh, yes. It's very nice-a. (I told him we already got one.)
BEAUXBATTON GUARDS: [chuckling]
HARRY: Well, u-- um, can we come up and have a look?
BEAUXBATTON GUARD: Of course not! You are English types-a!
HARRY: Well, what are you, then?
BEAUXBATTON GUARD: I'm French! Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king-a?!
OLIVER: What are you doing in England?
BEAUXBATTON GUARD: Mind your own business!
HARRY: If you will not show us the Wand, we shall take your castle by force!
BEAUXBATTON GUARD: You don't frighten us, English mud-bloods! Go and hex your bottom, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Harry King, you and all your silly English k-nnnnniggets. Thpppppt! Thppt! Thppt!
OLIVER: What a strange person.
HARRY: Now look here, my good man --
BEAUXBATTON GUARD: I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed Hippogrif food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a Grindylow and your father smelt of Fluxweed!
OLIVER: Is there someone else up there we could talk to?
BEAUXBATTON GUARD: No. Now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time-a!
[sniff]
HARRY: Now, this is your last chance. I've been more than reasonable.
BEAUXBATTON GUARD: (Fetchez la bezoar.)
OTHER BEAUXBATTON GUARD: Quoi?
BEAUXBATTON GUARD: (Fetchez la bezoar!)
[growl]
HARRY: If you do not agree to my commands, then I shall--
[twong – a large Bezoar is lobbed over the castle wall]
[Rooooaaaarr]
By Merlin’s beard and pointed hat!
KNIGHTS: Merlin!
[thud – the Bezoar crushes a servant]
Ah! Ohh!...
HARRY: Right! Charge!
KNIGHTS: Charge!
[mayhem of flying magical creatures raining down on Harry and the knights]
BEAUXBATTON GUARD: Hey, this one is for your mother! There you go.
[mayhem of more flying magical creatures]
BEAUXBATTON GUARD: And this one's for your dad!
HARRY: Run away!
KNIGHTS: Run away!
[King Harry and the knights flee to the edge of the nearby forest]
BEAUXBATTON GUARD: Thppppt!
BEAUXBATTON GUARDS: [taunting]
PERCY: Fiends! I'll tear them apart!
HARRY: No, no. No, no.
HERMIONE: Sir! I have a plan, sir.

[later]

[The wind is blowing silently through the tree-tops as strange noises suddenly fill the air]
[saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw]
[clunk]
[bang]
[rewr!]
[squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak]
[rrrr rrrr rrrr]
[drilllll]
[sawwwww]
[clunk]
[crash]
[clang]
[squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak – Several knights push a large wooden owl up to the main gate and run for cover]
[creak]

BEAUXBATTON GUARDS: [whispering] C'est une chouette, chouette de bois. Quoi? Un cadeau. What? A present. Oh, un cadeau. Oui, oui. Hurry. What? Let's go. Oh. On y va. Bon magne. Over here...
[squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak... – the guards push the large wooden owl into their court-yard]
[clllank – the heavy gate closes again]
HARRY: What happens now?
HERMIONE: Well, now, uh, Percy, Oliver, and I, uh, wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the owl, taking the Beauxbattons, uh, by surprise. Not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!
HARRY: Who leaps out?
HERMIONE: U-- u-- uh, Percy, Oliver, and I, uh, leap out of the owl, uh, and uh...
HARRY: Ohh.
HERMIONE: Oh. Um, l-- look, i-- i-- if we built this large wooden bat--
[clank]
[twong – the large wooden owl is lobbed over the castle-wall.]
HARRY: Run away!
KNIGHTS: Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away!
[CRASH – the large wooden owl squashes a servant that was too slow in the retreat]
BEAUXBATTON GUARDS: Oh, haw haw haw haw! Haw! Haw haw heh...

***********************************

No, they didn't get any tea, but a Bezoar is also verra nice, but more often than not they just don't fit into my nice china-cups.