Harry Potter and the Quest for the holy Wand 4

[imma]

SCENE 4

Setting: King Harry and his trusted servant Seamus 'ride' up to a clearing and hear wild hexing and cursing, bangs and screetches fill the air. They look upon the enfolding wizard fight with appreciation of the skills exhibited.


[King Harry music]
[music stops]
Peter Pettigrew, clad in black armour is seen duelling with Madam Hooch, hexes and curses flying through the air
PETER: Aaaagh!
[King Harry music]
[music stops]
PETER: Aaagh!
MADAM HOOCH: Ooh!
[King Harry music]
[music stops]
[hex]
PETER: Aagh!
MADAM HOOCH: Oh!
[King Harry music]
Ooh! Uuh.
[music stops]
PETER: Aaaagh!
[curse]
PETER and MADAM HOOCH: Agh!, oh!, etc.
MADAM HOOCH Aaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaah!
[woosh]
[PETER turns MADAM HOOCH into a cockroach and jumps on her, killing her]
[thump]
[splat]
PETER: Umm!
[clop clop clop]
HARRY: You curse with the strength of many wizards, Sir Knight.
[pause]
I am Harry, King of the Wizards.
[pause]
I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to join me in my court at Hogwarts.
[pause]
You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?
[pause]
You make me sad. So be it. Come, Seamus.
PETER: None shall pass.
HARRY: What?
PETER: None shall pass.
HARRY: I have no quarrel with you, good Sir Knight, but I must cross this bridge.
PETER: Then you shall die.
HARRY: I command you, as King of the Wizards, to stand aside!
PETER: I move for no man.
HARRY: So be it!
HARRY and PETER: Aaah!, hiyaah!, etc.
[HARRY chops PETER’Ss left arm off with a cutlery curse]
HARRY: Now stand aside, worthy adversary.
PETER: 'Tis but a scratch.
HARRY: A scratch? Your arm's off!
PETER: No, it isn't.
HARRY: Well, what's that, then?
Harry points at the blood gushing out of Peter’s shoulder
PETER: I've had worse.
HARRY: You liar!
PETER: Come on, you pansy!
[ZAP]
Huyah!
[ZIP]
Hiyaah!
[BANG]
Aaaaaaaah!
[HARRY hexes PETER’S right arm off with a twirling curse]
HARRY: Victory is mine!
[kneeling]
We thank Thee O Albus, that in Thy mer--
PETER: Hah!
[kick]
Come on, then.
HARRY: What?
PETER: Have at you!
[kick]
HARRY: Eh. You are indeed brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine.
PETER: Oh, had enough, eh?
HARRY: Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left.
PETER: Yes, I have.
HARRY: Look!
PETER: Just a flesh wound.
[kick]
HARRY: Look, stop that.
PETER: Chicken!
[kick]
Chickennn!
HARRY: Look, I'll have your leg.
[kick]
Right!
[wush]
[HARRY chops PETER's right leg off, again using the cutlery curse]
PETER: Right. I'll do you for that!
HARRY: You'll what?
PETER: Come here!
HARRY: What are you going to do, bleed on me?
PETER: I'm invincible!
HARRY: You're a looney.
PETER: Peter Pettigrew the Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you! Come on, then.
[whop]
[HARRY curses PETER’s last leg away]
PETER: Oh? All right, we'll call it a draw.
HARRY: Come, Seamus.
[King Harry and Seamus leave the invalid, but still very obnoxious, Black Knight behind and ‘ride’ on to new adventures]
PETER: Oh. Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off!
*********

Argh *crawls out of rubble* - that was not verra nicely done. Just because I like asking questions and there was a verra valid reason for asking these questions since humankind, ever since the dawn of time, have asked themselves these same questions, and never getting an answer, other than that totally bonkers far-out witless 42, and then you go and blow me up and are all nasty and not verra nice, and I don't like you, you are mean and you don't taste good and your mother was a hamster and you father smelled of el.. *BOOOOOOM*...*groan*...*slap*...*whimper*