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Setting...insane, as usual. Strange men roaming the country side in totally unfashionable clothes and facial hair that would look better on Gorillas and they're usually trying very hard to at least whach someone with a good and nasty hex. Jelly-legs would look funny.... Oh...digressing here, sorry *grins* On with the story.

Scene 15

PERCY: Well taken, !
GILDEROY: [is banging coconuts together and 'galopping' after Percy] Thank you, sir! Most kind.
PERCY: And again! Over we go! Good. Steady! And now, the big one! Uuh! Come on, Gil!
[thwonk - an arrow hits Gil in the chest]
GILDEROY: Message for you, sir.
[fwump - Gil falls over]
PERCY: Gil! Gil! Speak to me! 'To whoever finds this note: I have been imprisoned by my father, who wishes me to marry against my will. Please, please, please come and rescue me. I am in the Tall Tower of Swamp Castle.' At last! A call! A cry of distress! This could be the sign that leads us to the Holy Wand! Brave, brave Gil, you shall not have died in vain!
GILDEROY: Uh, I'm-- I'm not quite dead, sir.
PERCY: Well, you shall not have been mortally wounded in vain!
GILDEROY: I-- I-- I think I c-- I could pull through, sir.
PERCY: Oh, I see.
GILDEROY: Actually, I think I'm all right to come with you, sir--
PERCY: No, no, sweet Gil! Stay here! I will send help as soon as I have accomplished a daring and heroic rescue in my own particular...
[sigh]
GILDEROY: Idiom, sir?
PERCY: Idiom!
GILDEROY: No, I feel fine, actually, sir.
PERCY: Farewell, sweet Gil! [Runs off to save sweet Prince Draco]
GILDEROY: I'll, um-- I'll just stay here, then. Shall I, sir? Yeah.

Scene 16

[inside castle]
PRINCE LUCKY and BOYS: [giggle giggle giggle - as they make sure Lucky's garments are looking their best]
[outside castle]
GUEST: 'Morning!
RAVENCLAW GUARD#1: 'Morning.
RAVENCLAW GUARD#2: Oooh.
RAVENCLAW GUARD#1: [ptoo]
PERCY: Ha ha! Hiyya! [Runs past the guards and curses the first Guard, killing him]
RAVENCLAW #2: Hey!
PERCY: Hiyya!, Ha!, etc. [Continues through the court yard, cursing and killing and making a general mess of the otherwise very neat and tide area]
PRINCE LUCKY and BOYS: [giggle giggle giggle]
PERCY: Ha ha! Huy! [Kills randomly]
GUESTS: Uuh! Aaah!
PERCY: Ha ha! And take this! Aah! Hiyah! Aah! Aaah! Hyy! Hya! Hiyya! Ha!... [Kills more]
RAVENCLAW GUARD#3: Now, you're not allowed to enter the room-- aaugh! [Dies]
PERCY: [Falls to his knees in front of Prince Draco] O fair one, behold your humble servant, Sir Percy of Hogwarts. I have come to take y-- Oh, I'm terribly sorry. [stands up again, confused]
DRACO: You got my note!
PERCY: Uh, well, I-- I got a-- a note.
DRACO: You've come to rescue me!
PERCY: Uh, well, no. You see, I hadn't--
DRACO: I knew someone would. I knew that somewhere out there...
[music]
PERCY: Well, I--
DRACO: ...there must be... someone...
LUCIUS: [Storms into the room] Stop that! Stop that! Stop it! Stop it! Who are you?
DRACO: I'm your son!
LUCIUS: No, not you.
PERCY: Uh, I am Sir Percy, sir.
DRACO: He's come to rescue me, Father.
PERCY: Well, let's not jump to conclusions.
LUCIUS: Did you kill all those Slytherins and Ravenclaws?
PERCY: Uh... Oh, yes. Sorry.
LUCIUS: They cost fifty pounds each!
PERCY: Well, I'm awfully sorry. Um, I really can explain everything.
DRACO: Don't be afraid of him, Sir Percy. I've got a rope all ready.
LUCIUS: You killed eight wedding guests in all!
PERCY: Well, uh, you see, the thing is, I thought your son was a lady.
LUCIUS: I can understand that.
DRACO: Hurry, Sir Percy! Hurry!
LUCIUS: Shut up! You only killed the groom's father, that's all!
PERCY: Well, I really didn't mean to...
LUCIUS: Didn't mean to?! You put your wand right through his head!
PERCY: Oh, dear. Is he all right?
LUCIUS: You even kicked the groom in the chest! This is going to cost me a fortune!
PERCY: Well, I can explain. I was in the forest, um, riding north from Hogwarts, when I got this note, you see--
LUCIUS: Hogwarts? Are you from, uh, Hogwarts?
DRACO: Hurry, Sir Percy!
PERCY: Uh, I am a Knight of King Harry, sir.
LUCIUS: Very nice castle, Hogwarts. Uh, very good pig country.
PERCY: Is it?
DRACO: Hurry! I'm ready!
LUCIUS: Would you, uh, like to come and have a drink?
PERCY: Well, that-- that's, uh, awfully nice of you,...
DRACO: I am ready!
PERCY: ...um, I mean to be so understanding.
[thonk - Lucius cuts the rope holding Draco up]
Um,...
[woosh - Draco falls down]
DRACO: Oooh!
PERCY: ...I'm afraid when I'm in this idiom, I sometimes get a bit, uh, sort of carried away.
LUCIUS: Oh, don't worry about that.
DRACO: Oooh!
[splat - Draco hits the ground]


One another note. Dear internet, have I ever told you how much I hate you? Especially when you pms all over my neato DSL connection *killer glare*
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